Detox–Day 1

So I am a day late in updating the blog, on account of I wasn’t quite sure where to get the Wi-Fi from. Found out I had to buy it from the counter, anyhow, we are up and running, so let me recount the first day.

It all started at 7am, where I had to go and pickup my first detox drink. I remember from my last session over 1 year ago, that these were neither pleasant or tasty. The last joint made us mix a combination of fibre and clay in to water to drink. Thank god the guys here have the decency to actually mix it with fruit juice so it goes down that much easier. I opted for the pineapple, and once that’s down, you follow up with a glass of water. I have to take these every 3 hours, the good thing is, it does fill the stomach, so you don’t feel entirely hungry during the day.

In addition every 1.5 hours between drinks, you have to take these supplements, to two things,

  1. The green helps to replace good bacteria in the gut WP_000030
  2. The brown helps to break down the colon plaque, Ill let your minds wander on that one.


Considering my first colema (the colonic irrigation) wasnt until the afternoon, I thought Id take a walk up to the local area of Lamai Beach, the area I am staying in. I wanted to buy some t-shirts and shorts to knock around in while I am here, so I took the 30 min stroll up to the main part of the town.

It’s always interesting to look at different places and what they offer. The most disappointing thing is, there is apparently the most awesome burger house just a stones throw away, and if you know how much I love burgers, this is a killer… STAY THE COURSE MATT! In addition I have been told there is also a really good cafe, some of best pizza and a whole lot of other really good things which I cannot have for seven days!

On the way, I couldn’t help but laugh when I saw the Ninja Crepe restaurant, I half expected some guy in a black suit to jump out of the bushes throwing a crepe at my mouth like a throwing star. I suppose the age old question of what does a ninja do when they retire is now answered.


Anyway, I walked all the way in to town, to the suggested destination for t-shirts by the staff at the spa. It was Tesco, the big retail chain in the UK. I couldn’t believe they were here in the middle of tropical jungle. When I walked in to the store it was just like any normal Woolworths in Australia, it was blindingly white and clean, everything ordered in the way it should be, I felt like I walked through a portal to a different country. I proceeded to look for what I was after, but lo and behold, nothing was my size, so I decided to get out of there as quickly as possible, also considering the Dunkin Donuts shop was checking me out.

With that I thought Id head back to the spa, for the next detox drink and some sleep. Considering I haven’t been getting a lot of it, recently I tool the chance to recharge. The funny thing was on the way back, I was of course walking on the opposite site of the road, and guess what happened to be across the road from Ninja Crepes, none other than Ninja Place. It struck me that if I was looking for an assassin the local Koh Samui branch may not be that covert.


So got back to the spa, and had another detox drink and another nap, still reading the Wolves Of Calla by Stephen Kind, part of the excellent Dark Tower series.

At about 4pm, there was a knock on my door, so I jumped up to see who it was. I was greeted by the fasting manager of the spa, a Canadian guy, who was asking me to come down to the the TV room to watch the Colema training video. I thought this would be a bundle of laughs, so proceeded down to a room where a group of four intrepid detoxers were waiting for me to start the training. After watching the video of a very serious American explaining the process, of inserting a tube in your bum. We went to one or the guests rooms to see how you set this thing up. The last place I stayed at, they had separate rooms that they set everything up for you, but this time, its like the IKEA of detoxing, you take it back to your room and assemble yourself.

Basically, this is the setup;


The colema board sits on a stool at one end, and on the toilet seat at the other. The tube goes up to a bucket hanging from the ceiling with a mixture of coffee and apple cider vinegar, and it looks like this;


Yum Yum, this is what goes in people… relax.

The tube has a nozzle at the end with little holes that act like a sprinkler, there is not force pushing the liquid in so its quite gentle. The nozzle is small and looks like this;


The one last thing they provide, and its your best friend is this;


So I wont go in to the details now, but the process is relatively easy and “smooth” :-). This goes for about 30 mins, and while that happens you can keep yourself occupied by reading a book or something.

After that liberating experience, it was nap time again, followed up by a vegetable broth later in the day, which is extremely weak, thank god my wife bought me some Cayene pepper to spice it up a bit.

So there you go, Day 1 done, feeling good if not a bit sleepy, but see how we go for the full days.


Now for a shameless bit of advertising, all the pictures were taken with my new Windows Phone 7, This little guy is a brilliant piece of tech that makes sure I have all the alarms set on when to do certain things during the detox, and help record the adventure. Love you Windows Phone! 🙂



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As a full time father of two, and lucky husband to one, I spend my spare time helping companies to bring new technologies to the ASEAN marketplace.

One thought on “Detox–Day 1”

  1. Dude – that must have been some bet you lost – I wouldnt wish this experience on my worst enema… I mean enemy…

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